whateverships

I don't know how long I can stand for, for a such stupid friendships I've now. I've to pretend like nothing happened when I meet you. I care about you, that's why every move I take I will think that is it will hurt you or not? 

In such case, I can't tell anyone about this, cause it involve your image, your reputation to the others. I've been told and warned by someone do not stay close to you or whatsoever because the same case happened to her. Yet, I still choose to ignore what had she said until this things happened to me. 

Sincerely, I'm not putting the blame on you, but I feel so helpless and disappointed when I get to know the truth. I keep blaming myself why I want to be so friendly to everyone, to each of my friend and at last all the stupid things happened on me. I've no choice, I've no one to tell. I don't want to hurt each party that involved in this game. Not to say I'm selfish, I just want everyone get the same treatment, a fair treatment. Each action from one of you will hurt each party, and I as the middle person in this incident, I've to think and try to reduce the painfulness to the lowest. I don't want to hurt anyone of you.

When I get to know all this, I realized that the is the reality. I always believe there must be a "peace" word in all of our mind as I think all of us are long mature thinker, we know what is right and what is wrong. I thought we are old enough to have mature thinking, we can think wisely before we take action. Yes, playful is one of the element that has in everyone, but do you think of your playfulness might bring hurts to the others? Not only one, is everyone who involve in the game. 

I cried and I don't know what's the reason I cried. All of you are my precious one, one of you will get hurt no matter what I do to mend back our relationships. I feel helpless, I need someone to help me seriously. Every time, when I close my eyes, the tears will drop eventually. I try to hold, I try to be tough, I tell myself it's okay, why I have to care so much? Why I can't just ignore all of you? Yet, I can't, because I love you all. I've to come out a solution to protect all of you, it doesn't matter if the ending will hurt me. I just want all of you to be happy. 

Dear friends, 

Wo zen de hen ai ni men. In this case, none of you are wrong. I'm the cause, I will try to sort everything out. Give me some time although sometimes I'm trying to avoid this problem. I need time to accept all this things. No worries, everything will back to square one soon. 

Sharlene

13th May 2013, 3.11am 

"It's doesn't matter girl." 

I feel pity for that little girl who get dumped. I had already accepted everything about "he & she" because I can see how the girl trying to maintain and change herself from bad to good, just because of him. I told my friends, I'm letting go. I'm not saying I had let go but letting go, as I know he is always the best one for me. No more others. 

Somehow, I heard something from one of my friends. Everything happened out of my expectation. My friend was asking me about the HIM which I didn't expect that my friend will know him. From there, I knew the reason, the reason why both of them will broke up. Seriously, I wasn't happy with the ending. Why? Can you tell me why are they not together till the end? I felt upset. Never thought that he will leave her one day nor forsake her. I can't accept this. 

Frankly speaking, I hate that girl before this. Can you imagine how long I've spent to accept their relationship and the girl as well. Until I accepted the girl. I just went through her twitter. I feel like crying. I can feel that she is helpless. She can't do anything as he is not hers any more. I believed she has been struggling since the day she knew the reason why he leave her. My heart is bleeding, tears is dropping, for her. 

Dear girl, delete a person from your mind is ain't easy. But, sometimes deleting some people out of your life makes room for better people. And, you deserve a better one. Not him perhaps, but someone =) 

Sharlene 

心情戳乱

不知道如何表达我现在的心情
很乱很乱
我接受不到这个事实
并不是我妒忌，而是我感到很失望
在我的心中，他的形象永远都是 positive 的
可是，在刚才的那一杀那
我的心碎了。

我不想他是这样的人。
是我看错了，还是人变了？
</3

Voilà!

Voilà!

Currently on intern, life's still going on *because the earth is still spinning*

Throughout this eight weeks of intern, I've learnt a lot

Received complains, criticism and compliment from boss, client, colleagues etc

Have to learn how to handle your emotional thingy very well

Have to bear with everything including things that you are not used to be

Working life isn't that fun as what I think previously

That kind of stress, sometimes I can't really take it

You may think I'm tough to face any obstacles

But when many things come together at one time

Frankly speaking, I will collapsed too

Started to miss my coursemates and schoolmates

Keep thinking the food that I usually have during school time

Seriously is very tempting!

Missing spending time with the people that used to be around me

I miss shouting in front of my friends

I miss their bully! A bunch of them

At least I can hear them giggling around

Nevermind, take it easy!

Left 6 weeks! Then holiday! Then BACK TO SCHOOL

That time I will start complaining about assignment again!

HAHAHAHA

About love stroy, I'm sorry. I have no love story to story

Things that I want is getting further

Previously, I still can barely understand and is easy to make up my mind

What I want and what I need

But now, I've been brainwash by someone everyday

Keep telling me not to live in a fairy tale "world" any more

No more prince riding horse come to you any more

No more forever love

Yes, as time goes by, 

I realized about this and agree what she said

Thus, I'm trying to eliminate the requirements that are impossible to accomplish by someone

And now, I really don't what I want. 

Which type of guys that I will really admire?

Wo zen de bu zhi daoooo

And I've been thinking for few months, 

Still can't get the answer, so I give up.

It will automatically comes to me if "HE" is really mine. (Y)

A short post for myself, it's getting late! Hulala, goodnightttt. 

                                                                                                                                                     Sharlene

Hi Imma back.
Less update here since I'd the diary apps in my phone
I can jot down my thoughts, feelings on the spot anytime anywhere instead

Hmmm what to update here?
Well, my life is abit dull compare to the others
Studies, family, friends, outings, night life. thats all


Studies,
What I can say is, it's getting harder when you are turning from year 2 to year 3
Having finals now and not really that confident with all papers
I had put high expectations, think to push up my cgpa
Yet, thing doesn't went smoothly as what I thought
So, what I can do is.... study lorhh! =(


Family & Friends,
No doubt, I've a bunch of good friends and family as well
They are treating me like a little princess
Sometimes they will bully me when they are boring
Get used to it
I know is their way to kill their boredom
Still, I love them =)

Outings & night life
Friends around always said I am a "pou ka"
But, I don't think so haha
They always saw me check in here check in there
They feel envy but actually you won't understand the tiredness behind


Relationships
Hmmm I saw the photos between the "he" and the "she"
Well, feel better compare to last time
Is not that hurtful anymore
But I can still barely feel the heartache feelings
I felt regret what I've done before that
I knew I'm wrong to test a person for so long
But I really can't stop myself from doing that
I feel insecure of everything
I'm a selfish person
I know how vulnerable am I
So I will start gauging the relationships carefully
Prepare for the worst!
Sorry, you are the good one out of the good!
I've miss the chance

So, this is my short updates.
Will update again when I'm free.
Take care guys.