"It's doesn't matter girl." 

I feel pity for that little girl who get dumped. I had already accepted everything about "he & she" because I can see how the girl trying to maintain and change herself from bad to good, just because of him. I told my friends, I'm letting go. I'm not saying I had let go but letting go, as I know he is always the best one for me. No more others. 

Somehow, I heard something from one of my friends. Everything happened out of my expectation. My friend was asking me about the HIM which I didn't expect that my friend will know him. From there, I knew the reason, the reason why both of them will broke up. Seriously, I wasn't happy with the ending. Why? Can you tell me why are they not together till the end? I felt upset. Never thought that he will leave her one day nor forsake her. I can't accept this. 

Frankly speaking, I hate that girl before this. Can you imagine how long I've spent to accept their relationship and the girl as well. Until I accepted the girl. I just went through her twitter. I feel like crying. I can feel that she is helpless. She can't do anything as he is not hers any more. I believed she has been struggling since the day she knew the reason why he leave her. My heart is bleeding, tears is dropping, for her. 

Dear girl, delete a person from your mind is ain't easy. But, sometimes deleting some people out of your life makes room for better people. And, you deserve a better one. Not him perhaps, but someone =) 

Sharlene 

心情戳乱

不知道如何表达我现在的心情
很乱很乱
我接受不到这个事实
并不是我妒忌，而是我感到很失望
在我的心中，他的形象永远都是 positive 的
可是，在刚才的那一杀那
我的心碎了。

我不想他是这样的人。
是我看错了，还是人变了？
</3

Voilà!

Voilà!

Currently on intern, life's still going on *because the earth is still spinning*

Throughout this eight weeks of intern, I've learnt a lot

Received complains, criticism and compliment from boss, client, colleagues etc

Have to learn how to handle your emotional thingy very well

Have to bear with everything including things that you are not used to be

Working life isn't that fun as what I think previously

That kind of stress, sometimes I can't really take it

You may think I'm tough to face any obstacles

But when many things come together at one time

Frankly speaking, I will collapsed too

Started to miss my coursemates and schoolmates

Keep thinking the food that I usually have during school time

Seriously is very tempting!

Missing spending time with the people that used to be around me

I miss shouting in front of my friends

I miss their bully! A bunch of them

At least I can hear them giggling around

Nevermind, take it easy!

Left 6 weeks! Then holiday! Then BACK TO SCHOOL

That time I will start complaining about assignment again!

HAHAHAHA

About love stroy, I'm sorry. I have no love story to story

Things that I want is getting further

Previously, I still can barely understand and is easy to make up my mind

What I want and what I need

But now, I've been brainwash by someone everyday

Keep telling me not to live in a fairy tale "world" any more

No more prince riding horse come to you any more

No more forever love

Yes, as time goes by, 

I realized about this and agree what she said

Thus, I'm trying to eliminate the requirements that are impossible to accomplish by someone

And now, I really don't what I want. 

Which type of guys that I will really admire?

Wo zen de bu zhi daoooo

And I've been thinking for few months, 

Still can't get the answer, so I give up.

It will automatically comes to me if "HE" is really mine. (Y)

A short post for myself, it's getting late! Hulala, goodnightttt. 

                                                                                                                                                     Sharlene

Hi Imma back.
Less update here since I'd the diary apps in my phone
I can jot down my thoughts, feelings on the spot anytime anywhere instead

Hmmm what to update here?
Well, my life is abit dull compare to the others
Studies, family, friends, outings, night life. thats all


Studies,
What I can say is, it's getting harder when you are turning from year 2 to year 3
Having finals now and not really that confident with all papers
I had put high expectations, think to push up my cgpa
Yet, thing doesn't went smoothly as what I thought
So, what I can do is.... study lorhh! =(


Family & Friends,
No doubt, I've a bunch of good friends and family as well
They are treating me like a little princess
Sometimes they will bully me when they are boring
Get used to it
I know is their way to kill their boredom
Still, I love them =)

Outings & night life
Friends around always said I am a "pou ka"
But, I don't think so haha
They always saw me check in here check in there
They feel envy but actually you won't understand the tiredness behind


Relationships
Hmmm I saw the photos between the "he" and the "she"
Well, feel better compare to last time
Is not that hurtful anymore
But I can still barely feel the heartache feelings
I felt regret what I've done before that
I knew I'm wrong to test a person for so long
But I really can't stop myself from doing that
I feel insecure of everything
I'm a selfish person
I know how vulnerable am I
So I will start gauging the relationships carefully
Prepare for the worst!
Sorry, you are the good one out of the good!
I've miss the chance

So, this is my short updates.
Will update again when I'm free.
Take care guys.

Reality

I realized something again
I'm not a good teller
In expressing my true feelings

In the past year,
I'm good in concerning people
Know the way how to maintain the relationship among each other
(Is friends and family of course)

Slowly, I become numb
Not often tell them how much I love them like before
I've lost the trust in them
Weaker bond, less motivation
Feel scared to talk
Scared slip of tongue

I pretend like not to know anything about it
But, it's still cruel to me
Good to me perhaps?
I saw it with my own eyes
Trembling... I can't believe this is what they did it to me

They forced me to accept how cruel people are in this world
Maybe I shouldn't blame them
Is not their fault?
Because people are used to do so?
Alright, I got it.


Another lesson I've learned, the lesson of being human.

Sorrow

"Sebagai anjing dengan kucing"
Have you heard about this prop verb before?
I can't take it any more

When I'm home, they used to quarrel in front of me
They asked me to be the judger
Asked me to point out who is the wrong one,
Who is the right one
I did scolded both of them
My mother, my sister

I know is not a good thing to scold our mother,
But sometimes I really can't control myself
They are too stubborn!
So childish!
They like to play revenge!
What the heck is this?!

Both of them cannot stand in the same space, breathe the same air
Is like the magnet, when "negative" meet "negative"
They will repelled
They can't communicate properly!
They're killing me softly!

Can I choose to remain silent?

我，学会了

有很多事情，我们都会觉得很不公平
不公平，为什么他们会比你好？
不公平，为什么别人不会珍惜你对他们的好？
不公平，为什么别人常常抢你的功劳？
不公平，为什么你总是在为别人做事？

常常为它，为他，为她着想
但别人觉得你很烦
还狠狠地把你踩了一脚
好人当坏人看待
不公平

给你选择的话，
你要做一个虚情假意的好人？还是一个有话直说的坏人？

我，开始学会了
我要做好人，一个在别人面前，装的虚情假意的坏人
不要问为什么？
因为，这是一个很残酷的社会！
没有所谓的 “好朋友”

谢谢，我学会了。