I don't know how long I can stand for, for a such stupid friendships I've now. I've to pretend like nothing happened when I meet you. I care about you, that's why every move I take I will think that is it will hurt you or not?
In such case, I can't tell anyone about this, cause it involve your image, your reputation to the others. I've been told and warned by someone do not stay close to you or whatsoever because the same case happened to her. Yet, I still choose to ignore what had she said until this things happened to me.
Sincerely, I'm not putting the blame on you, but I feel so helpless and disappointed when I get to know the truth. I keep blaming myself why I want to be so friendly to everyone, to each of my friend and at last all the stupid things happened on me. I've no choice, I've no one to tell. I don't want to hurt each party that involved in this game. Not to say I'm selfish, I just want everyone get the same treatment, a fair treatment. Each action from one of you will hurt each party, and I as the middle person in this incident, I've to think and try to reduce the painfulness to the lowest. I don't want to hurt anyone of you.
When I get to know all this, I realized that the is the reality. I always believe there must be a "peace" word in all of our mind as I think all of us are long mature thinker, we know what is right and what is wrong. I thought we are old enough to have mature thinking, we can think wisely before we take action. Yes, playful is one of the element that has in everyone, but do you think of your playfulness might bring hurts to the others? Not only one, is everyone who involve in the game.
I cried and I don't know what's the reason I cried. All of you are my precious one, one of you will get hurt no matter what I do to mend back our relationships. I feel helpless, I need someone to help me seriously. Every time, when I close my eyes, the tears will drop eventually. I try to hold, I try to be tough, I tell myself it's okay, why I have to care so much? Why I can't just ignore all of you? Yet, I can't, because I love you all. I've to come out a solution to protect all of you, it doesn't matter if the ending will hurt me. I just want all of you to be happy.
Dear friends,
Wo zen de hen ai ni men. In this case, none of you are wrong. I'm the cause, I will try to sort everything out. Give me some time although sometimes I'm trying to avoid this problem. I need time to accept all this things. No worries, everything will back to square one soon.
Sharlene
13th May 2013, 3.11am
